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Here's what we were hoping for: fistfights, scuffling and professional men stabbing each other with ceremonial pens as they fought over the services of Maels Rodriguez, the Cuban defector with the alleged tank destroyer for an arm. That would have made for some scene: the first fastball smacks into the catcher's mitt with a thundering pop and before the number even registered on the radar gun, the representatives of all 15 teams present break for the mound to try to woo him. Major league baseball had itself an instant star.

Unfortunately, that is not how it worked out. The Associated Press reports that Rodriguez did not break the 90 miles per hour barrier in his workout in El Salvador yesterday. The Mariners -- a team characterized by Rodriguez's agent as one of the three he'd most like to play for -- were underwhelmed and their reps headed home without making an offer. Larry Stone of the Seattle Times reports that the Mariners issued a statement saying that they had "... communicated with the agent that at this point we'll monitor their situation, but as of today we will not make an offer."

Man! That sounds like a paraphrase of the things women usually say to me after a first date! In other words, "don't call us, we'll call you."

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