God Only Knows

Just how good is Albert Pujols? We went straight to the source.

Updated: July 14, 2003, 3:00 PM ET
By By Dan Le Batard | ESPN The Magazine
Hello. This is God. What, you were expecting a burning bush? Too Old Testament, man. And no way to reach the 18-to-34 demographic, either. I don't know why you insist on confining Me to syrupy places like a baby's laughter, a mother's love or some sappy sunset. Why not a sports magazine? I've tried to reach you through another periodical, but you never seem to believe it's Me in the Weekly World News. Why this magazine? Well, I wanted the fleece. But as you may have heard, I also like to work in mysterious ways. Wouldn't be terribly mysterious to go on with Barbara Walters or Oprah, now would it? Besides, My book sells just fine without their help.