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I am going to attempt to have no fantasy value to this column. None whatsoever. It'll be like a written version of Barry Zito.

It won't be easy. I am guessing some will sneak in … but it will be accidental. Because this thing I write on Wednesdays is called the TRUM, which stands for Thoughts, Ramblings, Useless information and Musings, it's not designed to be chock full of fantasy goodness. If you need pure fantasy analysis, I suggest you check out our "Out of the Box" column daily. It's a one-stop shop for everything you need to know about what happened the previous night, from a fantasy perspective. And there are really good recent articles by Brendan Roberts and Christopher Harris and, for our Insiders, great stuff from Jason Grey and Eric Karabell.

Of course, you could also check any of my other columns during the week and get plenty of fantasy info, or check out Nate Ravitz and me on our Fantasy Focus podcasts Monday through Friday, or there's the Fantasy Focus video show or … you get the idea. The TRUM is for fun, and away I go.

Lots of reaction to last week's TRUM, in which I responded to questions and criticism about my Top 340 rankings. Let's dive in.

Steve (unknown): I can't believe they pay such a slob as yourself. You're a bumbling fool and you know it.

TMR: So you're saying the jacket and tie isn't fooling anyone?

Alternate response: Yes, I know it. And you know it. But ESPN doesn't. Shhhh!

Jon (San Diego): As a long-time reader, I pose this question: Is it just me, or did you react a little more snarkily than usual to the people who didn't like your rankings? I mean, hitting them for poor grammar is beneath you. They are just idiots doing what idiots do best, which is, um, being idiotic! C'mon, you can tell me, is something else bothering you?

S.C. (Midland): This is a question not only to you, but to all fantasy experts on a multitude of Web sites. Why is it that anytime a fantasy expert answers fan questions, all they do is make fun of the person and point out minor grammar mistakes? Does it make you guys feel good or something?

Ryan (Chicago): Dude, first I want to say that I liked your rankings and trust you over pretty much any other guy at ESPN. But I was disappointed in your responses in [last week's] TRUM. First, it was a day late (not a big deal, and not something as a TMR fan I have not been accustomed to). Finally, and I am sure I have some errors in this e-mail myself, but why knock on peoples' grammar? You yourself say you are thankful for your editor and that you have bad grammar. You could have come up with much better and more significant retorts. I hope next time you do. Will this re-ranking thing become an every-month thing?

TMR: I'll start with the grammar issue and say that you guys are right. After re-reading last week's TRUM, I realize I hit that joke too many times. How I usually write a mailbag TRUM is I go through my mailbag and copy and paste all the e-mails I think are interesting. Then I start ordering them in a way that I think will have some flow and be funny, ironic, interesting, what have you. Then I respond to them. And finally, I go through and see what I like best and what I don't, and I cut it down.

Last week's TRUM was different in that it was written in a few different parts. I'd get 30 minutes to write and then have to jump off to go do "First Take" or something. I'd come back, write a little more, then get dragged into some meeting, write again for a bit, get pulled away again, etc. My plan was to use the grammar joke once (I thought the "You suck. You suck. You suck." one was the funniest), but frankly I didn't re-read each time I got back to my desk, and didn't realize how many grammar jokes there were.

So I probably appeared a lot more upset than I actually was. And you're right, Jon, it is an easy joke. I just always find it amusing when folks call me an idiot or tell me they could write better, and they can't properly spell even the most common words.

As for the other writers, S.C., I can't speak to that. I rarely read anyone these days for two reasons. First, I'm in a high-profile position, and I never want to be accused of using thoughts that someone else has had, even if it seeps in unconsciously. If I don't read, that can't happen. And nothing drives me crazier than when someone steals another person's work or ideas.

Which brings me to reason No. 2: I see a lot of bad versions of Matthew Berry out there. Anyone who has read fantasy writing for a while knows that I've had this same style for basically a decade now, and I was the first to have it. When I started, almost all fantasy analysis was dry, long, without personality … whether you are a fan or a hater of my writing/analysis, you have to admit I've stayed true to myself. When I venture to other sites, I see lots of writers who haven't been able to find their own voice, so they merely try to parrot mine (or others). And sometimes their entire Web site is a copycat, too. There's one major site that we internally joke is "The Worldwide Follower" because every time we do something, a month later a version of it appears on that site.

I'm not saying I invented fantasy, or that I am great or that we haven't done things as a site that weren't original. Every fantasy analysis site has suggested waiver-wire pickups, two-start pitchers, etc. I'm talking about style and execution, and some of the more specific things. It's hard to be original in fantasy, so when you are, it drives you crazy when others are lazy. And there are lots of "lazies" in this industry.

Finally, yes, the re-ranking thing will happen every month.

Michael (Austin, Texas): Nick Johnson hit .290 last season? Where, on a softball field? Didn't he have a broken leg last year? I look forward to your next article where you mention that you won an Emmy again. How does your already-huge melon fit through doorways?

TMR: First, he's referring to my Talented Mr. Roto free-agent pickup column from last Friday. And you guys are correct. I meant Johnson's last season (2006). That was when he hit .290. And Michael, I've found that if I tilt my head sideways, I can get it through.

Evan (Philadelphia): Dude I just read your reaction to the top 340 criticism, and I laughed. A lot. I was tempted to write this with extremely bad grammar and spelling, but it seems you get enough of that already. Since we're here, though, I might as well ask a question: Which of the latest SP risers are you most up on, Justin Duchscherer or Danks? You've talked highly of both, but what's your opinion on a head-to-head matchup? Thanks.

TMR: Yes, I am high on both and mentioned them in today's podcast. Both pitched well last night, both have pitched well all season, and both are still available in a lot of leagues. I say Dukes, and it's very simple: I'd rather have a guy pitch half his games in Oakland than half in U.S. Cellular; I'd rather face the AL West more often than the AL Central; and Dukes has more experience at the major league level (albeit most of it as a reliever).

The other funny thing about the grammar responses is that I wasn't much better on the grammar myself. Check it out:

Tony (Columbus, Ohio): You do realize that "interabang" [sic] is actually spelled "interrobang," don't you?! (preceding interrobang used for dramatic effect)

TMR: I do now. And I stand by my assertion that "Interrobang!?" would be a great name for a band.

Snake Doctor (Raleigh, N.C.): It's a shame that people are the way they are, and a double-shame that the anonymity of the internet makes them worse. A guy tries to write a prescient if semi-controversial column, and then dozens, or even hundreds, of jackasses attack him for expressing an opinion. There's a place for that in a civilized world, but it's called politics. David Luciani of Baseball Notebook nearly gave up baseball writing a year or two ago when the hate e-mails became too personal, too hateful, too venomous. After awhile, he reconsidered. I hope it doesn't go nearly that far with you. Dude, you're not always right (and who is?), but you are always interesting. Sure, you overdo that Anne Hathaway stuff a bit, but the fantasy baseball insights are fun, and for me at least, informative. Don't let 'em get to you. Hang in there, and give as good as you get.

TMR: Appreciate the kind words, but the day I stop getting hate mail is the day I no longer have a career.

Jack (Boston): Hey, Un-talented, I really try to avoid anything about you. In print, Web sites, TV shows … if you're in it, I'm not. But when I saw your column "Rankings aren't always right" I had to jump in. I wanted to see you finally admit that all the BS that falls out of your face was not "always right." I actually had to laugh when it became clear that you were not admitting to anything. "I hate Steven Jackson" from two years ago was the moment I stopped listening/reading you. You cater to only one group  newbies who have never played fantasy sports before. You throw out 80 crappy thoughts, maybe two or three stick, and you claim to be "Talented" Mr. Roto. I play with about 16 other buddies, and you always come out as the butt of our jokes. You are easily the most idiotic fantasy "expert" I have ever heard of, man. Why did I bother even taking the time to write this? I'm bored, and after two years I finally wanted to let you know what a clown you are in this industry. You might be a good guy, but you bring very little to the table as a fantasy sports guy. PS. Megan Fox - not even close, man! But this just proves what a clown you really are.

TMR: See what I mean? For what it's worth, Jack, it doesn't seem like you've done a very good job of avoiding me the past two years.

JP (Atlanta): Hey Matt, first off, who's your favorite over-40 lady? Mine's Catherine Zeta-Jones. She needs to drop that bag of bones [Michael Douglas] and get with some young blood. Secondly, I play in an NL-only 10-team league, and I once again managed to neglect the catcher position in my draft. Rank these catchers for me for the rest of the season: Carlos Ruiz, J.R. Towles, Brian Schneider, Yorvit Torrealba, Miguel Montero. Finally, I also still can't believe that [Fantasy Focus podcast producer] Pod Vader traded Cole Hamels for that dude from the Angels.

TMR: Yeah, Catherine Zeta-Jones, hands down. Disagree? Just watch "Zorro." I rank Yorvit ahead of Schneider, but otherwise, you have the order correct. Really like Ruiz as a sleeper in the second half.

Gray (Portland): Are you sure that's your dad? He has a lot more hair than you do.

TMR: Yeah, I got a lot of comments like this in reference to the picture I posted of my dad in my April 28 column. It's so frustrating. I am not only losing my hair, but I'm going prematurely gray. (I actually have to dye what little of it I have because I am so vain. Please see "head, melon-sized.") But he's my pop all right.

Dave (New York): Six quality starts in seven tries for John Danks? Check again, fool. He only has four.

TMR: Yep. He now has five after last night. I meant to say he has six games in which he has given up two earned runs or fewer, but yes, two of those six he did not go six innings.

Philip (Chicago): Why do you call Dice-K the silent WHIP killer all the time? His WHIP last year was a respectable 1.32. His K per nine rate is decent, and he plays for a good team and gets a lot of chances at wins. If anything, he's an ERA killer based on last year's full season.

TMR: Yes, but last year after the All-Star break, his WHIP was 1.45. He has given up four or more walks in eight games this year. He has 30 walks compared to 40 strikeouts this year. He'll get wins and strikeouts, no doubt, but he won't return the value of an elite No. 1 fantasy starter or what you had to pay to get him (auction or high draft pick).

Mike (West Babylon, N.Y.): Berry, reading your articles makes me sick! You are the biggest, arrogant, self-absorbed person I've ever come across. In my opinion, you used to be different when you weren't so popular. Granted, I value the information you provide. However, now you won this Emmy and have a bigger role in the ESPN fantasy world, you let it get to your head! You should value your readers' opinions and work past them. They are opinions! Your job is to write articles, work chat rooms and answer readers' e-mails, not belittle your readers and their opinions. Your readers are the reason you have your job. Granted, you can't appease everyone, but criticism is part of your job. Take it like a man, not a little girl. When you write like that, you sound like a little kid, not a true professional (which is why we read your articles).

TMR: I'd rather be a little kid than a true professional any day of the week. I consider this a compliment.

Matthew Berry -- The Talented Mr. Roto -- is ESPN's senior director of fantasy. He was just as surprised as you to find out it's a real job. He is a multiple award winner from the Fantasy Sports Writers Association, including a Writer of the Year award. He has been playing fantasy sports for more than 20 years, writing about it professionally for more than 10. He currently appears on or in ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNEWS, ESPN the Magazine, ESPN.com, ESPN Mobile TV and, as soon as he learns to say "ground-ball/fly-ball ratio" in Spanish, ESPN Deportes.

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Thoughts, Ramblings, Useless information and Musings for May 8, 2008

Here is how I do my rankings, or to be more specific, how I did my revised top 340 for the rest of the season: I acted like I was drafting.

Simple as that. As if the league started today. I went with the premise that I had the No. 1 pick. I want Hanley Ramirez, I thought. On to the second pick. Hanley is off the board, so now whom do I want? I'll take Chase Utley. OK, so now I'm up again with Hanley and Utley off the board; whom do I want? And so on.

So it's like a draft. Or for those of you who listen to the podcast, a long round of "Name Game." Whom do I want with the next pick? And once I get to a certain point in the rankings, I'll assume I already have certain things, like pitching. Or I could wait and get a closer … really, I went spot by spot and drafted.

Well, I got tons of e-mail and ESPN Conversation (beta!) comments about the rankings, including long dissertations about Ryan Howard and Adam Dunn and lots of debate as to whether I am an idiot or a feminine hygiene product or should just be fired (in some cases, tortured as well) for general incompetence.

Let's dive in.

nymets31cc (from ESPN Conversation): Matthew, I'm sorry but you make no sense. You drop A-Rod to No. 23 in the poll because he's injured. I have Jimmy Rollins, who has been useless to this point because of injury, and you have him at 6. Great way to validate your point on A-Rod.

TMR: Well, again, it's not about what has happened but what will happen. Rollins, as one of only three guys to have 30 homers and 30 steals in 2007, was a top-five player for me before the season. I believe Rodriguez will be out until early July or not very effective if he comes back sooner than that. Rollins already is on a rehab assignment and will be back soon, fully healthy.

Nick Demola (Sacramento): No Jay Bruce on the list? Anywhere? Really? I traded him away this season in a deal in which I got Nate McLouth. It killed me to do it.

TMR: I like the deal, assuming it's not a keeper league. I didn't include Bruce because I'm not convinced the Reds will call him up for anything more than a cup of coffee, and even if they do, I'm not convinced Dusty Baker will play him every day. And the Reds' brass might think that if he's not going to play every day, they might as well leave him at Triple-A. That's a crowded outfield, ya know?

Michael (Atlanta): Oliver Perez and Ted Lilly ahead of Tim Hudson????? I'm extremely curious as to what your reasoning is for this. Seriously, Perez and Lilly?????

TMR: Yeah, I knew you were curious, but five question marks really emphasized that you were extremely curious. I didn't want to rank 'em this way. But Perez is there because of his strikeouts and because I think the Mets will turn it around. I hate Lilly, but he's going to win 15 games this year. My concern with Hudson is his lack of strikeouts and his inconsistency. He has thrown only three innings in two of his past four starts. Although this was more of a gut call than anything, I also wonder about the Braves' bullpen questions -- they play in a tough division.

tomPELLv.2 (ESPN Conversation): ... mclouth is way to high, burell is way to high, and nady is way to high just to name a few of your horrible picks. and laroche is a top 200 player from this on forward, probably a top 125

enknight33 (ESPN Conversation): I have a hard time seeing Nate McLouth so low. He is one of the best OF is the league right now. He has been producing since the season started. Also if Granderson's outstanding start doesn't show that he should be up higher then your crazy.

TMR: tomPell has a hard time seeing McLouth so high. Well, I have a hard time reading messages from both of you because of your grammar.

Eli (Bardstown, Ky.): I can understand some of those rankings as just being personal bias, but putting Jeter ahead of Furcal is as crazy as giving up 50 points in batting average, 5 homers, 8 steals and, oh, say 18 runs scored. Jeter sucks in fantasy and in real life. If being overrated were a category, he would help, but it isn't, so he doesn't. I know Bill Simmons is your idol or whatever, but that doesn't mean you should pull dumb [expletive] out of your [expletive] and put it in an article. Oh, and did I mention that Jeter sucks and that I would put a hurt A-Rod at shortstop over him. That's right, I would play a cripple before Jeter. Peace, homey.

TMR: Yes, "peace" is the word that came to mind when I read your note. I actually agree with you to an extent; Jeter gets a bit overrated in fantasy because of his celebrity, but the fact remains that he is a career .317 hitter who has gotten at least 600 at-bats each of the past four seasons, with double-digit home runs and steals and triple-digit runs scored. Furcal is an injury risk. Remember, it's from this point forward.

KWhite (Unknown): Why is Yadier Molina not even in your fantasy rankings? He is not a great player, but he doesn't hurt you either. I was surprised to see his omission.

TMR: And I was surprised to see a question about him, so we're even.

phillyphan644 (ESPN Conversation): Matthew Berry should be fired for putting Ryan Howard at No. 9. He might not even be the ninth best hitter on his team.

TMR: Yup, I can see it now:

TMR: (walks into office, closes door) You, uh, wanted to see me, boss?
Boss Man: Matt, I'm sorry. We're gonna have to let you go.
TMR: But ... why?
Boss Man: Well, you ranked Ryan Howard ninth. Seems insane to me.
TMR: But last April, he hit .221 with three home runs and finished with 47 homers. In April 2006, he hit only five home runs, the lowest of any month that year, and finished with 58 jacks.
Boss Man: Don't throw your crazy stats at me. We don't need you anymore. We just found out we can get bkcox ...

bkcox (ESPN Conversation): ESPN, where do you get these writers? Do they do any research before putting together an article, or is this what you are looking for? I am available to write.

hebajeba (ESPN Conversation): Hmm ... Fukodome after Ankiel? Justin Upton after Hunter Pence? Scherzer ahead of Volquez? Hamilton behind Corey Hart? What the hell is going on with this list? I just lost complete faith in this guy. I clearly can write a better column than he can. ESPN, I am available?!?!

TMR: I still stick by my 40 homers for Ankiel, and I think pitchers will adjust to Fukodome, so his numbers will come down his second time around the league. Have you seen Upton's numbers? Remember, he stole 19 bases in the minors last year, too. I went with Max in part because of the offense and bullpen behind him, and Hamilton doesn't have the speed and power of Hart. He also is more of an injury risk. ... Wait, are you or are you not available? You used an interabang (both a question mark and an exclamation point), so which is it? You are available and are excited about it? Or are you questioning me because you don't know whether you are available and want me to tell you? This is important, 'cause we're about to go slap a contract on bkcox.

Tim (Anchorage, Alaska): Wigginton 100 spots higher than Kelly Johnson? Their numbers last year were very close, with Johnson contributing a little more in the SB department. Also, Johnson is off to a much better start this year. I know Wigginton has 3B eligibility, but is that enough to give him a 100-spot bump? This seems to me a case of TMR mailing in the latter half of his rankings.

TMR: First off, I mail everything in. Second, yes, the position eligibility played into it. And third, this is more of a knock on Johnson than praise for Wigginton. I'm worried you might see Brent Lillibridge play more in the second half, and Johnson has been leading off. He doesn't have typical leadoff-hitter speed, and hitting there will hurt his RBI production.

ryanstevensUMD (ESPN Conversation): This is the worst rankings I've ever seen. Why do they let you do this, Berry? Your a [feminine hygiene product].

TMR: Only because we haven't been able to track down bkcox yet. Oh, and I think you meant to spell it "you're."

Denver (New York): Your rankings are out there, man. Do you really think anyone would trade A-Rod for Corey Hart and a toss-in player? I understand this is a business, and you have to do things like this to get hits, which lead to ad dollars. But at some level you need to be true to the spirit of fantasy baseball.

TMR: Well, Chris liked it ...

Chris (Illinois): TMR, I just want to say that I love that you don't play it safe. Like you said in yesterday's podcast, anybody can tell you what did happen. You're putting yourself out there and saying what will happen, and I love that.

MikeMusc77 (ESPN Conversation): Berry, what do you see in your crystal ball for Santiago Casilla. I know he's had a great start as a set-up guy, but you have him in front of more than a few full-time closers. Do you think he gets the job at some point? I would say there's a good chance of Street either getting hurt again or getting shipped out of Oakland. Just wanted to know your thought process behind the rank.

Always looking for that extra piece of fantasy insight? We've got you covered. ESPN Fantasy experts Matthew Berry and Nate Ravitz provide you with all the fantasy strategy you'll need: Listen to the Fantasy Focus Podcast

Nick (Tampa): Casilla ranked ahead of Marmol? I just don't see it. Their numbers are close, and both have a good shot to close in place of injury-prone closers. But Marmol has been awesome and Casilla slows down in the second half every year. I know this is a little nit-picky seeing that it is down in the 200s in your rankings, but I see it as a big flaw.

TMR: First off, I definitely think Street will get injured and/or traded at some point and Casilla will be his replacement. (Incidentally, Casilla got a save the night I put out the list.) It could be Keith Foulke or Joey Devine or Alan Embree, but I'm betting on Casilla. And yes, Marmol is terrific. But Lou Piniella wants his "better" pitchers to pitch the seventh and eighth innings and get out of the tougher jams. If something happens to Wood, I actually think Piniella would keep Marmol where he is and let Bob Howry close. So that's the thinking there. And the closers ranked below Casilla I feel will lose their jobs sooner rather than later.

Ryan (Seattle): I can't be the only one e-mailing you this question, but here goes: Where is Troy Tulowitzki in your updated rankings? Yeah, he's out until the All-Star break, but you can't be serious that Clint Barmes over a full season is worth more that Tulo for half of one.

TMR: If Tulowitzki were going to be out only until the All-Star break, I'd agree with you. But here, this is from Stephania Bell's recent injury blog :

The latest reports indicate Tulowitzki actually tore the quadriceps tendon near the hip. What does this mean? The quadriceps is the large muscle on the front of the thigh necessary for running, jumping, squatting and just about every other lower-extremity maneuver you can imagine. ... Injury to [the quadriceps tendon] often is seen in kickers and soccer players as it tends to occur with explosive hip movement. Now we can add Tulowitzki to this list. It appears he is not headed for surgery, but given the time it will take for swelling and bruising to heal, and the additional time it will take him to regain strength and power, expect Tulowitzki to miss significant time. Reports vary, but according to the Rockies' Web site, expect him to miss at least six weeks. I would venture to say that is indeed the minimum.

Just like when Bell correctly predicted Pedro Martinez would be out longer than expected, I believe her when she says she thinks Double-T might miss more than two months. He might not regain full strength until August, if then. And then it will take him a bit to get up to speed. I didn't think six weeks or so of Tulowitzki was worth ranking.

Rcarlos24 (ESPN Conversation): I can't wait until your fantasy football column. It will probably be just as accurate and everyone will agree with it ........................... NOT ! You suck. You suck. You suck.

TMR: Wow, you suckered me in and then beat me down with the "not" joke. Well played, sir. Well played.

Alternate response I considered: So did you feel four "You suck" sentences was overkill but two wasn't enough to drive the point home? What was the thought process in deciding how many times I suck? Did you start with one and say, "He won't understand," then add another and go, "Not sure I'm being clear," then add the third and go, "There we go. Now he'll realize"? Or did you plan on doing more than three but got so caught up in your "not" joke that you couldn't type anymore?

Wolfpack1334 (ESPN Conversation): I like the list, but how can you ignore Tim Lincecum's dominance?

TMR: Yeah, I probably undersold him. My concern about him was an unproven bullpen, the poor offense behind him and that he hasn't been consistent at the major league level. That said, I should have ranked him higher. Clearly he's a stud.

Irishfan10383 (ESPN Conversation): you are dumb..sorry but what does it take to become a fantasy baseball analysis guy, obviously just some numbers and names cuz the way you put them together makes no sense.

TMR: Well, using proper grammar helps.

gunnersmith17 (ESPN Conversation): This is an entirely unintelligent, worst ranking list I have ever seen. Few things I'd like to put out there. You say you like speed guys, yet you have Carlos Gomez at 110 and Michael Bourn at 60 (Bourn hits about 60 points lower). Jeter ahead of Furcal? Wainwright ahead of Felix Hernandez and Lincecum? And finally, Soria at 159? Yes, you're right, I would definitely draft Kevin Kouzmanoff and Shawn Hill ahead of this magnificent closer. This compilation of terrible fantasy advice should be burned, and I question your ability to complete day-to-day functions after releasing a list like this one.

TMR: Gomez is another guy I definitely ranked too low. My thought on Bourn was that he's on pace to steal 68 bases and that's with him batting below .200. Assuming he gets up to even .250, he could steal 100. He's a guy who can single-handedly win you a category. Meanwhile, I was concerned with Gomez regressing after his hot start -- he still is only 22. (Bourn is 25, and this is the third year he has been in the majors.) I already addressed Jeter over Furcal, and same with Lincecum. But yeah, look at Wainwright's numbers. He has been absolutely sick since the All-Star break last year. And I don't trust Felix to stay healthy or consistent. His ERA after the All-Star break last year was 4.09. His ERA after the All-Star break in 2006 was 4.02. His ERA for all of last year was 3.93. I want to see him prove it over a full season before I think he's anything but a 4.00-ERA pitcher. My feelings on closers are well documented, and Soria's skill set does not change the fact that he pitches for a team that won't have a lot of leads. And I tied my shoes all by myself this morning. Just like a big boy. So there.

Matthew Berry -- The Talented Mr. Roto -- is ESPN's senior director of fantasy. He was just as surprised as you to find out it's a real job. He is a multiple award winner from the Fantasy Sports Writers Association, including a Writer of the Year award. He has been playing fantasy sports for more than 20 years, writing about it professionally for more than 10. He currently appears on or in ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNEWS, ESPN the Magazine, ESPN.com, ESPN Mobile TV and, as soon as he learns to say "ground-ball/fly-ball ratio" in Spanish, ESPN Deportes.

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