If you love great theater, then the current Jim Harbaugh-SEC feud is just for you. From his shirtless satellite camping through the heart of the Deep South to his team's spring break trip to Florida, Harbaugh continues to rub the SEC the wrong way.
His genius ploy to turn a week of practice into a glorified recruiting venture has the SEC salty and Michigan's blue–blooded coach chortling at his Southern counterparts.
Question of the day: Does anyone find whining to be attractive? Just curious.
— Coach Harbaugh (@CoachJim4UM) February 10, 2016
That little passive-aggressive shade comes as the SEC tries to stop Harbaugh's plan to take his team down to IMG Academy in Bradenton, Florida, for a week of practice during spring break. SEC commissioner Greg Sankey told CBSSports.com that the league has asked the NCAA to prohibit schools from holding practice during spring break.
You see, the SEC doesn't want Harbaugh and, eventually, his Northern band of brothers infiltrating its fertile recruiting land any more than they already are during designated recruiting periods. Sankey discussed Harbaugh's plan as yet another way to eat into players' already-short amount of time completely away from the sport. He does have a point, but the real issues -- on both sides -- is recruiting.
And Harbaugh is loving his trolling of the big daddy SEC. It's such an intelligent use of trolling too, because it's actually benefiting him!
So what's next for the SEC's equivalent to the Joker? If I know Jim Harbaugh -- and I don't -- I think I know where he's going with his war on the SEC ...
Five things Harbaugh will do next to annoy the SEC
1. Harbaugh closes down Rama Jama's: While on a pit stop during yet another satellite tour through the South, Harbaugh will swing by Tuscaloosa, Alabama, to visit famous Rama Jama's. He'll bring a hefty crew of assistants to close that joint down -- buying everything on the menu. With the kitchen cleaned out, Harbaugh will leave all that succulent, untouched meat stashed in a dumpster outside Bryant-Denny Stadium just for fun. He'll then take a selfie with Bear Bryant's statue.
2. Harbaugh drains the Swamp: While in Florida, he might as well head up to Gainesville for a night, sneak into the Swamp and have a team-bonding experience by projecting a movie on one of the big screens. After that Citrus Bowl performance, could Florida really stop them anyway?
3. Harbaugh rolls Toomer's Corner: This would be so Harbaugh! A smirking, high-khakis-wearing Harbaugh gleefully rolls Auburn's iconic celebration station with maize-and-blue streamers in the dead of night. Snapchat!
4. Harbaugh paints The Rock: That iconic rock in the middle of Tennessee's campus gets painted with of all sorts of Vols-antagonizing Harbaugh faces and Michigan M's.
5. Harbaugh rents billboard space ... in every SEC town: Nick Saban is driving to work ... Harbaugh. Hugh Freeze is heading to the Square ... Wolverine. Kevin Sumlin is out for a jog ... khakis. Les Miles is grabbing some gumbo ... eh, probably shouldn't get Miles close to anything Michigan.
Oh, but do you think the SEC will just take this lying down? Nah, the SEC doesn't succumb to intimidation tactics.
Five things the SEC will do in response
1. Drone surveillance: Can't you just seen Saban and Miles sitting in the back of a white van outside Schembechler Hall trying to figure out how to pilot a drone around a Michigan football summer camp? They could dump some SEC merch on unsuspecting recruits. Oh, and Bret Bielema has to be the getaway driver!
2. Bielema's physical challenge: Speaking of Bielema, he orchestrates a WWE-style battle royal of sorts starring him and Harbaugh. Just two bros (shirts optional, of course), in the ring, ready to battle for recruiting supremacy in front of the world. Maybe Ric Flair can give Harbaugh some pointers.
3. Saban rents out the Big House: Just as Harbaugh did with the Swamp, Saban heads up to Ann Arbor, tosses a bunch of that Bama money at Michigan's administration and then plops down onto the 50-yard line with a cold one and sunglasses. I imagine he'll have a smiling Saban banner flown over while he basks in his own awesomeness.
4. Gators hit the slopes: If Harbaugh can take his kids down to Florida for some fun in the sun, why can't Montana man Jim McElwain take his team up north to ply the powder? With Harbaugh so eager to leave the Midwest, I'm sure there must be a bunch of irritating snow around those parts in the spring for the Gators to romp through.
5. Miles takes on The (other) Rock: Like Tennessee, Michigan has its own rock to joylessly paint. Miles, a former player and assistant coach, just can't avoid the Great Lakes state as he heads up to his old stomping grounds (resisting every urge to buy a house) and takes a selfie with an LSU-inspired piece of art on that rock behind him. He'll want to do it, I'm sure.